((x-3)^2+(y-4+sqrt(y^2-8y+16))^2)^2((x-3)^2+(y-2)^2)+(y^2-6y+8+sqrt(y^4-12y^3+52y^2-96y+64))^2=0

Posted March 14, 2010 at 05:46 EDT under web.

((y-(1/2)x-2)^2+|x-2|+|x-4|-2)^2((y+(1/2)x-4)^2+|x-2|+|x-4|-2)^2(x-5)^2((y-2)^2+|x-5|+|x-7|-2)^2 (y+2x-20)^2(y-2x+16)^2(x-11)^2((y+(1/4)x-(27/4))^2+|x-11|+|x-13|-2)^2((y-(1/8)x-(15/8))^2+|x-11|+|x-13|-2)^2 ((y+(5/8)x-(81/8))^2+|x-11|+|x-13|-2)^2(x-14)^2(y+2x-32)^2(y-2x+28)^2(x-16)^2(x-17)^2(y+x-21)^2(x-19)^2 (x-20)^2((y-(1/2)x+7)^2+|x-20|+|x-22|-2)^2((y+(1/2)x-13)^2+|x-20|+|x-22|-2)^2(y-3-|x-24|)^2 ((x-24)^2+(y-3+sqrt(y^2-6y+9))^2)^2((y-(1/2)x+12)^2+|x-28|+|x-30|-2)^2((y-3)^2+|x-28|+|x-30|-2)^2 ((y-(1/2)x+11)^2+|x-28|+|x-30|-2)^2(y-2x+60)^2(y+2x-68)^2((y-3)^2+|x-(63/2)|+|x-(65/2)|-1)^2(y-3-|x-35|)^2 ((x-35)^2+(y-3+sqrt(y^2-6y+9))^2)^2(x-39)^2((y+(1/4)x-(55/4))^2+|x-39|+|x-41|-2)^2((y-(1/8)x+(13/8))^2+|x-39|+|x-41|-2)^2 ((y+(5/8)x-(221/8))^2+|x-39|+|x-41|-2)^2(x-42)^2((y-2)^2+|x-42|+|x-44|-2)^2((y-3)^2+|x-42|+|x-43|-1)^2 ((y-4)^2+|x-42|+|x-44|-2)^2(x-45)^2((y-2)^2+|x-45|+|x-47|-2)^2(y-2x+94)^2(y+2x-102)^2 ((y-3)^2+|x-(97/2)|+|x-(99/2)|-1)^2((y-3)^2-(x-52)^2)^2((x-55)^2+(y-4+sqrt(y^2-8y+16))^2)^2((x-55)^2+(y-2)^2) +(y^2-6y+8+sqrt(y^4-12y^3+52y^2-96y+64))^2=0

Neat toy.

    The name iNap is right out

Posted February 1, 2010 at 02:54 EST under web.

Apropos of my last comment, this is what Feministing has to say about the iPad.

SRSLY? Feministing has to stoop to posting a sophomoric Photoshopped image of an iPad and a sanitary napkin as a starting point to an article that accuses Apple of not having any women in decision making capacities because no woman executive would possibly accept a name that is any way a reminder of feminine hygiene products.

Because, for some reason, unfairly and unnecessarily engendering personal electronics products is bad, except when it is necessary and done by women.

Perhaps we might want to consider promoting an environment where obviously non-gendered objects and concepts are critiqued on their intrinsic value, and not how it makes us huh-huh-huh like some no-wave feminist Beavis or Butt-heads. Next: having a good laugh at your next bird-watching because someone spots a tit. Har-dee-fucking-har-har.

I mean, sure, If you think the name is funny, by all means have yourself a laugh. Post funny pictures. Start an all-day pun session lampooning Apple. I insist! But please don't turn yourself inside-out trying to read some sort of feminist subtext into the name of a god-damned mobile computing device. It makes you look stupid and petty, and minimizes the real feminist critique of popular culture that is going on right now.

I'd make a quip about it being a slow news day for the blogosphere, but every day is a slow news day for the blogosphere.

    This is a greeting card emergency

Posted October 12, 2009 at 10:21 EDT under web.

My new internet hero:

Via Bitch Ph.D.

    It's like law, but different

Posted September 11, 2009 at 04:08 EDT under web.

Remember, you are not allowed to link to any page on the Kraft vegemite website. It is expressly forbidden.

So, don't do it.

Via Boing Boing, but I had to join in the fun.

    09.09.09+09GMT@09:09

Posted August 26, 2009 at 01:49 EDT under web. Updated September 8, 2009 at 08:27 EDT.

Worldwide Moment is a neat idea, even if the notion of doing anything for peace makes me squeamish.

But, why the hell not? Let's see, 09.09.09+09GMT@09:09 in local time is Tuesday, September 8 at 8:09PM. At that moment I will take a photo of something wherever I happen to be.

You should play, too. I know I get a fair number of visitors from Ghana and other places under-represented in the Worldwide Moment country tally. All you have to do is take a photo at the proscribed time. Don't have a camera? They will help you get one!

Let's hope I remember.

I remembered. Photo taken and uploaded. I like the idea of it being lost among the rest of the gallery.

    It's like I was born in the 60s

Posted August 13, 2009 at 09:11 EDT under web.

I don't always watch TV, but when I do, I watch Mad Men.

Stay sexy, stylized and provocative, my friends.

    Unintended irony

Posted July 26, 2009 at 05:27 EDT under web.

This was an article in my RSS reader today:

I, for one, welcome our new robotic butler overlords.

    Mostly gray, with periods of brown and black

Posted July 20, 2009 at 08:26 EDT under web.

I cannot express how much delight I take in having this colour scheme come up for the search clevermonkey.

That is (not) all. Via Boing Boing.

    Terra Nova releases first full-length album

Posted March 27, 2009 at 12:51 EDT under web.

After many years of hard work, Terra Nova has finally released its long-awaited first full-length work.

Image: borealnz

Via Make Magazine.

    13 kinds of awesome

Posted March 5, 2009 at 11:23 EST under web.

This video has exactly 13 kinds of awesome in it. I counted.

Make sure you watch all the way to the awesome bridge, where an awesome theremin solo awaits you.

Also: awesome.

Via Gibson blog.

    Ersatz Obscure Corporate Entity FAIL

Posted February 15, 2009 at 04:41 EST under web.

Apropos of my comments regarding the Fake Individual phenom, I give you this.

Canon is apparently freaking out that someone is pretending to be an obvious fake version of one of their technical advisors. One of their concerns is that people might be led to believe that the Fake Chuck blog is actually written by the Real Chuck.

Only, you know, a blog that uses the word fake everywhere. As one does when they are not fake.

Quick! Someone create a fake Nikon blog, pretending to be Steve Heiner.

Wait. Who?

Via /.

    Mindfuck movies

Posted February 12, 2009 at 12:10 EST under web.

Here is a list of mindfuck movies, which are loosely defined as films where you are pretty sure you know what is going on, but just not exactly what.

It isn't terribly clear to me how mindfuck movies differ from what a twist? examples, like those from M. Night Shyamalan, but I think I grok the flavour.

I would have added The Thirteenth Floor, which sort of happened along the same time that The Matrix did (and Dark City, which is named-dropped in this collection), reinforcing the things-are-not-what-they-seem zeitgeist that was the defining theme for films in the late 90s.

And hey! He sticks up for Vanilla Sky (via Abre los ojos) sort of the same way I did in my review of the film.

So, counting Vanilla Sky, I've seen seven of the movies in this list.

Warning: that last link is me during my no-caps writing phase. You have been warned.

    clvrmnky swears like a Gangsta Rapper

Posted February 10, 2009 at 11:12 EST under web.

Thus spake Cursebird, a real-time feed of people swearing on Twitter.

I've always wanted to do exactly one thing like a Gangsta Rapper. My motherfucking life is complete.

    But wait, there's more

Posted February 6, 2009 at 01:40 EST under web.

For some reason, I can't sleep. Which really sucks because I've been dead-tired for weeks now.

Before I make another attempt to get at least 6 hours of sleep, I'll leave you with Sledding Discussion, apropos my recent bitching about learning a new language.

That is really all. For now.

    Spurious Famous Figure, Inc.

Posted January 26, 2009 at 09:59 EST under web.

All ya lost internauts will, no doubt, be familiar with the Fake [insert name here] phenom, where someone openly pretends to be some semi-famous person on the internet for the purposes of poking fun at us and them.

For reference, I give you Fake Steve Jobs, Fake Bill Gates and (one that I just ran across) Fake John Scalzi.

Of course, this technique is infinitely scalable. I mean, the aforementioned Scalzi has a cat that someone is pretending to be in Twitter.

I think it works best when the person being lampooned has a strong public persona. Either they are rather outspoken (so we feel that we might know or understand them even though they are complete strangers to us) or they are famous people who best represent some potentially contentious situation (i.e., CEOs of large multinational companies).

I had an idle thought today, which was why don't we see similar sorts of things going on for historical figures? I mean, yes, many historical figures are dead. So they can't possibly be blogging, or have a Twitter presence.

But, why should this stop us? Fake Famous People is already anachronistic to the Nth degree. Taking it a step further will not diminish the effect. Or will it?

I propose that we accelerate this particular expression of fame and drag dead poets, scientists and philosophers into the mix.

Oh.

At any rate, part of my idle thought was that there is only so much of this virtual real-estate to go around. If you want to be in on a Fake Person phenomena (that is, you want to be the person to take the lead on creating the fake persona and fake history) then you better act fast. Sure, you can pretend to be someone's cat, but the cool kids know that recognizable public figures are where the real action is. It's a bit like claiming a corner of the internet for your very own. Albeit by using the fame of another person.

I can think of one historical figure I could make a Fake Site for, and one that would be slightly ironic only for those of you who know me personally.

I have to admit, it's tempting.

    #FFFFFF is the new white

Posted January 25, 2009 at 12:50 EST under web.

Just so you know, I am rather pleased with the design and layout of this site. Oh, the actual HTML I'm squirting to clients can certainly be improved, but I am happy with the overall result of my latest changes.

For those of you who only come here via RSS, well, you don't know what you are missing. Believe it or not, I chose the colour palette specifically to provide subtle accents to what I knew would be a mostly monochrome presentation.

Wait. There's a colour palette? Don't you need an actual recognizable selection of colours before you can have a palette?

Well, yes. It is (to me) subtle, and is mostly expressed in the lines and boxes, but there is a co-ordinated selection of colours used throughout the site.

One thing I do want to change is the URL link mark-up. I think the current style makes in-line links a bit hard to find. (Given how often I bitch about usability, you'd think I'd jump right on this.) The trouble is that the palette I chose doesn't play well with the default link colours defined in the HTML 4.01 standard. The reasons for this will be obvious if you steal my stylesheet and peek inside.

So expect general fuckage with the styles, especially around how links are displayed, over the next few days.

    A look forward to Ada Lovelace Day

Posted January 7, 2009 at 05:57 EST under web.

Because this is a radical feminist blog (and why not?) when I ran across this request to join a blog-in for Ada Lovelace Day, I figured, why the hell not?

Since I'll be blogging anyway, I have pledged to write an entry about women and technology on 24 March, 2009. I'll try to come up with something that doesn't just talk about Lovelace (or the Ada programming language, which would be a cheat) or Grace Hopper (so I could talk about COBOL).

Via Boing Boing.

    Scarlett Johansson naked

Posted December 18, 2008 at 12:34 EST under web.

It's that time again.

Time to honour the latest Clever Monkey Light-Heavy Industries pin-up tractor girl.

Using the latest in Google-y technology, we ask the panting, sweaty internets which starlet would you like to see naked? Then, we assemble a crack team of photogs to run web searches to find the most fetching image of said starlet and post it here for your panting, sweaty viewing enjoyment.

This time around our lucky winner is Scarlett Johansson. Congratulations Scarlett!

To be fair, referring to Ms Johansson as a starlet is probably all wrong. She is obviously a very smart young lady with oodles of acting talent. Unfortunately, This Modern World can be terribly unfair to women (famous and mundane alike). The internets, they hunger. And they especially hunger for nude pictures of Scarlett Johansson, or pictures of Scarlett Johansson in lingerie. They must feed, or we all suffer.

In the interests of full disclosure, the internets really wanted to see more of internet phenom Katherine Lee. In the spirit of fair play I decided to opt for the big Hollywood star rather than subject Ms Lee to any further (possibly unwanted) attention. And then wrecked that completely by tagging her here.

This internet thing is so hard.

Check below the fold for stunning, never-before-seen images of Scarlett Johansson naked, nude and in lingerie.

[Read the rest...]

    Mobilespace/Meatspace

Posted October 27, 2008 at 11:05 EDT under web.

Without a mobile phone that can take photos and decode QR Codes, this is admittedly a little abstruse.

    Melt Me Baby, One More Time

Posted October 19, 2008 at 11:05 EDT under web.

So, iTunes Essentials collections on the iTunes Music Store are sort of like the K-tel collections of our time. They are very often typical best-of items arranged into a specific theme by Apple to promote tracks and artists to a targeted audience.

One such theme, I kid you not, is Soccer Mom Chillout. Intended, no doubt, to be listened to in the mini-van on the way to soccer practice, or in the bathtub, perhaps during one of her rare moments alone from the demands of This Modern Life. This last scenario likely involves scented candles and bubbles, I'm guessing. Cue the loveable, but hopeless, husband.

This, by itself, is not all that interesting. Of minor interest is how your writer ended up at the iTunes Essentials: Soccer Mom Chillout entry on the iTMS. In my defence I was merely perusing the Lucinda Williams catalogue when I espied the eponymous collection. Following the link I discovered the usual assortment of radio-friendly artists performing their famous lovelorn odes to love lost and regained, never to be found again, except in love, where love lives in the sweet illusion of love where passionate kisses rained down like a landslide of crazy love, so won't you lay me down easy.

What I found interesting (again) was how Apple managed to make this inoffensive little collection just a little durrty by blanking out the naughty words with asterisks.

Apparently, that Sarah McLachlan song is not what we thought it was about. Furthermore, it appears that someone had to deliberately edit the title of this song for this collection. No other combination of cream or ream in the iTMS seems to have been violated in the same manner.

Again, those three little stars turn a completely innocent list into something totally different. All I can see is the word ream which, in this context, forms a weird three-way (!) intersection between suburban motherhood, romantic pop songs and porn.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. I just don't think this was quite the response they might have been looking for. But you never know with Apple. They are from California, after all.

    Scorpio's BBQ and Roadhouse

Posted October 8, 2008 at 07:37 EDT under web.

Wait. I was supposed to make a church sign?

Motto borrowed from Deen's Diner in Winnipeg.

Via.

    Top 10: Things Lame Gendered Web Sites Fall Back On

Posted August 15, 2008 at 02:20 EDT under web.

Here's an actual conversation between two second-year college students interning at AskMen.com while taking a coffee break from their rich and rewarding careers in The New Publishing:

Features Intern: We have to come up with content for tomorrow, but all the writers are watching the Olympics and playing foosball.

Technical Intern: I know what you mean! The guys on my team have fucked off, too, but they said I had to finish all of this layout work by the end of the day.

FI: It's so unfair!

TI: I know! And my mom called and told me she's turning my room into a place for her craft stuff.

FI: Sucks.

TI: Yeah.

FI: So, what are we going to do?

TI: I dunno. We have to come up with something. I have to pay for tuition this year.

FI: Well, it's not like anyone cares if we repeat ourselves. It's an IGN site, after all.

TI: True. Another top 10 list?

FI: Bingo. Top 10 what?

TI: Well, it needs to be funny. It's always funny when we make fun of girls, right? How about The Top Ten Things That Are Totally True About Bitches, Only The Bitches Don't Believe It?

FI: ...? Dude. You are not handling that break-up very well.

TI: Sorry.

FI: But you are on the right track, I think. How about The Top Ten Things Only Men Can Do?

TI: Awesome! [high-fives] Wait. So what are the sorts of things only men can do?

FI: Oh, you know. Math and stuff.

TI: Gotcha. Ok, I'll go figure out the first, second, third column flash ad placements, and work on the header and footer ads, and cook up the annoying click-throughs. You get the content ready and I'll set up the publish job for tonight.

FI: Ok. Make sure you have those stupid menu pop-unders activated so the list is hard to navigate. This will take no time. Writing is easy.

[Read the rest...]

    Hayden Panettiere naked

Posted August 7, 2008 at 05:53 EDT under web.

I asked Google the question which starlet would you like to see naked? in order to decide, well, which starlet should be the next clevermonkey.org pin-up tractor girl. You can see some of our previous pin-ups.

And then I picked the one that was at least 19-years old.

So, it appears that the intertubes want naked pictures of Hayden Panettiere, or pictures of Hayden Panettiere nude, or pictures of Hayden Panettiere in her cute cheerleader outfit.

So, since we at Eco-Monkey World Domination Inc. are in the business of giving the internets exactly what they want, I went and scooped all the paparazzi with a nice picture of the talented Ms Panettiere completely, totally and utterly nude. See more below the fold.

[Read the rest...]

    You know, like a r*d or a sh**t; a b**m, b*r or b***n

Posted August 6, 2008 at 08:23 EDT under web.

The iTunes Music Store thinks the song name Gallows Pole (made famous by Led Zeppelin) is naughty.

Y'see, I wouldn't have given the word pole a second look; now that it's been asterisked I'm all Beavis and Butthead about it.

Heh. You said pole.

    I've found the WMD!

Posted June 1, 2008 at 10:38 EDT under web.

No, really, WMD is a neat textarea hack that allows me to use Markdown when authoring blog articles. This entry is a test of WMD.

In some ways, I prefer Textile, but I've never taken the time to hack either support into the PHP that is used to both author and present these words to you.

Of course, you can't see what I'm seeing, as this is an edit-only widget that shows up when I'm creating new blog entries. I'm sort of hoping that it generates decent HTML, even on a re-edit.

Since I don't have the notion of a complete but non-published article I have to do this live. Sorry about that.

Long live the humane web!

Later edits reveal:

• My little end-of-article glyph requires that I suppress the final closing </p>, but markdown wants to correctly surround each paragraph in legal tags.
• The way the blog loads up the articles for re-edit seems to prepend an extra <p> to the last line.
• Sigh. Re-editing loads up the clean HTML, not the markup, so I can't go in and change stuff using Markdown. I have to re-edit in HTML.

I'm guessing some of these these problems are related.

I really need to implement a basic publish flag for blog articles, so I can craft an article or tinker with the code without having to do it live.